"Your son might need to be tested for autism," she said. My husband and I sat for a moment not knowing what to say. This is supposed to be a regular meeting with our son's preschool teacher. We were not prepared for this attack.
To say we are not completely skeptical would be a lie. He was over three years old at the time and still unable to speak. He had been cared for at home and spent several months at a preschool for children with developmental needs.
"He will add that..."
"He's just looking for a sensation..."
"It's only mechanical..."
All this may be true, but there is more to it than that.
A few months later, they sent the documents home. It's printed there - our son is autistic. We read and re-read the reviews several times. Again, most of this is unexpected, but confirmed.
As beneficial as the school system is, there are still many unanswered questions.
It's been a few months, but I've learned a lot. After we got our first diagnosis, there was only so much I could tell myself. Below are the top ten.
Stop comparing and accepting
I took great care to understand that he did not meet certain criteria before I was diagnosed. Now when I do that to myself, I've learned to stop. While monitoring your child's development is important, be aware that children on the spectrum will do things , like other children. Comparing and focusing on every unachieved milestone will only create stress and not help you or your child. Relax and accept. Do as much as you can for your child, but stop comparing and help your child grow at his own pace.
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Make sure you know your child
Well intentioned friends and relatives may hold birthday parties in strange places, want to take your child to a noisy and crowded event, or invite you to an event or environment that you don't feel comfortable with. At first, it may be difficult to understand why you don't want to take part, and you may feel guilty about saying no.
It is the right thing to do. Your child comes first. Nothing is more important than their safety or well-being. You know your child better than anyone else. Just someone tells you, "Oh that's great! You did that at your age!" It doesn't mean it's right or safe for your baby.
your child has a tendency to pull! I thought he was sensitive to loud noises! Making decisions should be comfortable to protect them from bad situations.
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Security trackers
When it comes to darts, autistic children are at risk of being ostracized for it.
There are organizations like Project Lifesaver and Care Tracker that can match your child with a safety tracker.
Do your homework and see what's available in your area. Call the fire and local police for help. If nothing else, there is a tracking device to buy.
How to deal with others
"Why is that?"
"Why don't we talk?"
You may be surprised at what will be asked.
Remember, not all questions are meaningful. Some people are genuinely caring and interested, but they are not very polite. As a parent of an autistic child, you step into the role of unofficial and voluntary spokesperson. Welcome to the family of spreading awareness and evangelism for all of us.
Don't limit yourself, you never know
I remember the first time we heard his diagnosis.
"What does this mean for the future?"
No one can say that. It keeps me up at night. But what I have learned is that you cannot limit your autistic child. They can be very talented! If you limit them, you will never know.
Who says who should be the future? Don't just raise your hand and label your child. Keep an eye on the possibilities.
If they don't speak, they can listen and understand you
Just because he can't make eye contact with you or react to what you're saying doesn't mean he can't hear or understand you. If so, they may not be able to express how they feel about what they hear.
One of the first words they will say is likely to be something they don't want to say. Yes I speak from experience here. Suppose we try to tell him to say "sheep" or "list" but we know what he means my husband and I still joke about what we heard wrong.
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There are many things about autism that even the most brilliant scientists do not understand.
What is the reason?
Does my child have it?
Does it do this and not that?
The answer is no, at least not to all our questions. It's very disappointing, but you can find hope and support in the community. Talk to other parents
